Lady Globes- Vered Farber

Don’t put yourself at the center; don’t make personal comments; don’t be afraid of silences; don’t cancel a meeting at the last minute, and never refuse to go out together in the evening – even if you have killer jetlag. Twenty years after landing in Tokyo, practically by chance, Vered Farber, the founder of Japan Knowledge and the Asian Institute, is an expert on how to negotiate with Japanese businesspeople. “My goal is to crack the Japanese Sudoku”

Yael Weltzer · Photo: Tzahi Vazana

When she was 24, she landed in Tokyo for the first time. This was after she had met a couple in Thailand, who had previously travelled through Japan and got her excited with their stories about the Land of the Rising Sun. She was in the middle of a carefree backpacking trip, and without thinking too much, decided to go there for two weeks. “I felt like I had landed in a different galaxy,” says Vered Farber, “The elegance, quiet and cleanliness were foreign to me, and on the other hand, it was as if they were part of me. I understand that I could get by there with nonverbal language, because I connected immediately to the ceremoniousness. Even the question of how much money I had in my wallet, which is what they ask every tourist entering Japan and is what determines whether they let you into the country or not, didn’t seem odd to me.”

In the end, Farber stayed in Japan for seven years. “I decided to stay in Japan alone, a decision that changed the course of my life. Without planning to do so, I set out on a life journey that continues through this very day. Metaphorically speaking, my goal is to crack the Japanese Sudoku, to understand this enigma called Japan. It’s a never-ending process of learning. Every day I get to know and learn new things.”

Today, at the age of 44, Farber heads Japan Knowledge, the company she started, and provides consulting services to companies and businesspeople who want to work in Asia. Additionally, she opened The Asian Institute, which focuses on placement of Asian employees, translations and a unique school for Asian languages – Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Thai. “I wasn’t born in Japan, but in Tiberias. I don’t have and never will have slanted eyes. And although I don’t have a logical explanation, when I land in Japan, I feel like I’ve come home. Each time I land at Tokyo Airport and see the sign that says Okari Nasai (welcome home in Japanese), I get all excited.

“There’s an expression in Japanese, dro kwai wataharu, which means to be equal among equals. This means that you cannot be different in Japanese society, because it is a society that promotes social equality. While I am part of them and belong, and they accept me thanks to my knowledge of the language and internalization of the cultural codes, I will always be a foreigner to them.”

Equipped with the language and cultural codes, over the past ten years Farber has studied the Japanese business world. “One major difference between us can be explained by the Japanese word, wagamama, which means being self-centered. In Japan, you can’t be self-centered, there’s no such thing as putting yourself in the center. They don’t think in terms of ‘what do I want,’ ‘what do I need.’ In Japanese society, you voluntarily concede to fit in, so that you do not seem selfish.

“Japanese people never say ‘I,’ but instead say ‘we.’ There is no me or I, there is we or us. They say, ‘Mitsubishi is our company.’ This is reflected in business – if you’re in a business meeting, you cannot stand up in the middle and go, and it doesn’t matter if your wife is in labor or anything else. Once I went back to Japan, on over 26 hours of flights. I had horrible jetlag, but I had to join a business dinner. I waited for it to end so I could go to sleep, but then the Japanese partners decided to continue on to a bar, and I had to go with them. I didn’t say a word, because there is no such thing as, ‘Excuse me, I’m tired,’ that’s absolutely verboten.

The social lives of Japanese businesspeople begin at the end of the workday, and they are just as important as work meetings. There is no such thing as cancelling or being late. If they made time for me, I will make time for them. Not to mention the fact that these after-work meetings are the best opportunity for a Japanese businessperson to get to know the person sitting opposite him informally, to understand who he is about to do business with. For the Japanese, business is based on cultural codes. For example, you cannot criticize a Japanese person for spitting, because the Japanese believe that you’re cannot keep even a drop of phlegm inside the body, because it isn’t healthy.

According to Farber, business relationships in Japan develop much like a romance. “It begins with a courtship, known as a tough phase in all relationships. Even then, you must adopt Japanese codes, because it is important to them to know who they can trust. They get to know you as a person, a friend. It’s a phase that takes time, and Israelis don’t always have time. All the more so for women who want to enter the Japanese business world, which is absolutely a man’s world, both during the day and at night.”

Don’t answer e-mails

At the same time she established her business ventures, Farber married an Israeli man, had two sons, divorced, and today lives with a partner. For the past four years, she has immersed herself in the trendy hobby among businesspeople, long-distance running. She runs 10 km three times a week and recently participated in a 30 kg run in Budapest. “Long-distance running is like doing business with the Japanese. In both cases, success depends on regular training, persistence, patience, not taking shortcuts even if it’s tough. Setting yourself a target, not necessarily in terms of time. It’s being alone with yourself. They are hours that help me take initiative.

“The peak here is coming to terms with the distance, even if it took more time, and that is also what characterizes the Japanese business culture. They don’t know the concept of ‘here and now,’ but they have patience. They set a target, take a deep breath and check it off the list once they have achieved the goal through the right training and vision of the future.”

What is the most common mistake Israeli businesspeople make when they want to establish business relationships in Japan?

“They look for Japanese companies on the Internet, and send them an e-mail in English. Although the Japanese communicate in English today, they don’t answer e-mails. They still prefer to speak to someone in Japanese, to see cultural codes that are similar to theirs. Let me give you an example: an Israeli company tried for quite some time to make contact with a Japanese company that was interested in exporting a special product to Israel. They tried for over a year by sending e-mails and calling, but they got no response.

“The Israeli company contacted us after they understood that they need someone to mediate and communicate correctly with the Japanese. I communicated with the company in Japanese, of course, and we sent them all of the materials and information. Two weeks later, we received a response that the deal had been approved and that they wanted to come to Israel, for the first time, to familiarize themselves with the country and the market. Representatives of the company came here for 12 hours, and then we all flew to a meeting in Japan. During that meeting, a contract was signed. Two months later, the products were already in Israel, which is considered a relatively short timetable for a Japanese company.

“If an Israeli is inexperienced in working with Japanese companies, he may make cultural mistakes right at the beginning. If a Japanese businessman tells you in a meeting, ‘that’s very interesting,’ that should ring a bell, because Japanese are polite and don’t say ‘no.’ It means that something here is getting stuck. When Japanese ask more and more questions and ask for more information, it means that he is interested in moving the deal forward.”

How many opportunities for error are there when closing a deal?

“One mistake, in special cases two. My goal is not to teach the Israelis how to become Japanese, but how to avoid errors. Remain Israeli, but don’t make mistakes because of cultural gaps and ignorance that will then torpedo a deal. Learn, understand and then start. This includes dressing properly, looking right, not to forget a business card, to know that being on time is extremely important.

“Don’t deliver a monolog, but dialog. Be assertive, but not aggressive. Don’t assume that they understood what you meant, and don’t commit to things you can’t deliver. This also means know how to manage the process empathetically, to show your commitment to the process. Know that no matter what happens, you cannot cancel a meeting at the last minute, because as far as they are concerned, it destroys your real desire to succeed. When they view me as serious and honest, they understand that I am committed to the process. It is also important to know that all of the conditions need to be known upfront.”

 What does that mean?

“If you keep kosher and only eat kosher food, or if there is some constraint that could be problematic, let them know about it upfront. They will search until they find a kosher or vegetarian restaurant for you, but if you show up without having told them, be polite and manage the dialog about it using the right words. The Japanese have a whole protocol on managing language. So it is also very important to support them and use polite words like thank you and excuse me, to know how to use the good word, instead of the right word.

“In contrast, you need to know that there are things that are myths that belong to the past and are no longer correct today. For example, in recent years, the Japanese have begun shaking hands. They don’t expect you to bow. Westernization has changed the exterior of Japanese society significantly. When I came to Tokyo, there were two signs at the cash registers at the train station: one for the Japanese and the others for alliance (foreigners), the tickets for foreigners. There were also no signs in English anywhere. Today there are.”

 The secret weapon

Farber claims that women are the secret weapon in rescuing the Japanese economy. “Japan is still not a country that empowers women. The perception of Japanese women in the West is still that of an obedient and docile woman or a devoted mother, who dedicates herself entirely to her children’s education, but it seems that reality is beginning to change. One of the results of the economic crisis was a turnabout in the reality of Japanese women. For example, in 2010 the Bank of Japan appointed its first female branch manager, and Shiseido announced that by the end of the year, 30% of its employees would be women.

“The entry of women into the labor market is only the first phase. The real challenge is to ensure that they stay in the labor market. Today, approximately 70% of Japanese women leave their jobs after having their first child, due to societal norms, and in Japan, it is considered difficult, if not impossible to balance raising children and working full time. The Japanese government has now started encouraging mothers to work.”

Farber’s dream is to establish a Japanese house in Israel that will instill the importance of the value of excellence, which is all important in Japan, into people’s awareness. “Today, I conduct my business and private life through kaizen, which means ‘constant improvement.’ In Japan, when you run into a problem, you first see how you can prevent it from happening again, and I teach myself to work that way.”

Where did the urge to choose a world completely different from the one you grew up in come from?

“I always had courage and the desire to do different things. When I left Tiberias, I knew that I wouldn’t be going back, but it’s not always easy for my family. My mother says, ‘Hopefully your children won’t do to you what you did to me.’ I try to explain to her that the physical separation is not an emotional one. The ability to distinguish between the two types of separation has been with me my entire life.”

What I’ve learned about negotiating

“In big Japanese companies, the decision-making process involves consensus, and everyone in the important positions must be involved in the process so as not to violate the harmony of the wa. Therefore, to prevent unnecessary arguments and wasting time, the discussions are held in advance. In other words, negotiations begin behind the scenes: before coming to the negotiating table, the employees review all of the issues, study the advantages and disadvantages, and get to the bottom of the issue. When they come to the actual negotiations, they are equipped with all of the information, answers and questions.

“Israelis also have to prepare before the negotiations:

• Breathe deeply and shift from the tempo of the samba (which Israelis are used to and know well) to the Japanese tempo, which slower and longer.
• Build a relationship based on trust – the longest and most difficult part of the process.
• Commit to the process, because the Japanese can sense you.
• The Japanese are not direct, and therefore there will be many meetings and discussions about other things before getting down to the main issue.
• The Japanese thirst for knowledge. They are hardworking and do their homework, will learn about you and the company, which is important for building a long-term relationship based on trust. That is also why they will ask you many questions over and over again. You need to be prepared for that in advance.
• As opposed to what most people think, the Japanese do know how to argue about prices and ask for discounts.
• You must respect the silences – Israelis are embarrassed by silence, and to prevent the embarrassment, they do silly things. Don’t let the silence stress you out, because in Japan, silence speaks. The important thing I have learned from successful negotiations with the Japanese is that patience pays off.
• Negotiations continue into the informal meetings as well – in the evening, at meals and when drinking alcoholic beverages after work hours. Don’t refuse to go out.
• To bring Japanese closer to us, you need to think about the entire process empathetically and always put yourself in their shoes. Try to understand their requests and needs and cause them to understand that you are with them. You also need to know how to listen to them – to develop the skill of listening.”
• Vered Farber Japan